ARRRRGH!!! SOCIETY!!! TAXES!!! CHEESE PRETZELS!!!
Come meet our staff of diverse and stable humanoids here to serve your needs and complain about Japanese concrete!
Horace Klünge
Pondmuck, IN
Horace is a part-time writer and full-time thumbtack manufacture from Pondmuck, IN. He loves to complain and hates absolutely everything else. This is not an exaggeration.
Veronique Blightfanny
Hiding from Turtles, FL
Veronique has a master’s in marine biology from MIT and a bachelor’s in episodes of The Bachelor (Also from MIT). She recently fell into a vat of stem cells while trying to take a hazard-4 selfie and now turtles won’t stop trying to mate with her… and she wants revenge.
JOE MAMA
Houston, TX
Joe Mama is 29 years old and is really tired of that damn joke. We can’t wait until he writes his first article.
Dogfart
San Francisco, CA
Dogfart is a sentient fart delivered by a dog from a higher plane of existence. Its intelligence and communication skills rival that of most human liberal arts majors. It doesn’t mind being called “it”.